Today I found a splinter in my thumb nail.
So I spent my morning digging a hole in the centre of the nail and looking to see what sort of splinter it could be.
I removed a tiny black dot and then abandoned the process thinking that perhaps it was an impossible task and that if it was going to be a fateful end, my nail will either be removed under anaesthetic or quietly grow itself out.
My mind travels to all reaches of its grey covered skull and I have another analogy to my life from that tiny black dot.
Too much time on your hands, I hear you say, and you are right. But living in isolation for many days at a time and gardening and renovating has its limits. So there are vast amounts of tea and coffee drunk and in those moments I let my mind ponder willy nilly.
Let the cat out of the bag, the bird from its cage. And more to the point, it is excessively windy outside and it upsets my harmonious delicate nature to be active in it.
Is it me, my generation, that looks back into the throng of life and sees the copious amounts of ‘self help’ activities, and now moving into ‘help others’ activities. I make no judgement calls or have opinions on these matters.
Heaven forbid I flounder into the senile roll of my age, with lack of the new thought movement. Me, from the hippy era and the times, now past peace and war protests to the seriousness of white supremacy and same sex marriage, religious mass migration and nuclear devastation of our food supply.
But because I have a black dot on my nail that needs gouging out and investigating I am asking.
Find your purpose. I read and hear.
I have been looking for my purpose the whole of my life.
Do what you love, that is your purpose.
Is it really?
How many people actually find joy? Most of us blunder through life and glean snippets of wisdom through our failures and misfortunes. Ending in a bandaging of spirit and dodging the throws of others in their wake of survival and greed. Very much like dealing with a tiny black dot on your nail and wondering how the hell it got there. What force managed to penetrate the hardy protective nail and embed a black dot of pain, to be dug away with surgical implements. In my case a needle and tiny knife. I did think of the toy kids drill that I have used for shell jewellery, but too lazy to look for it.
Howling winds, people throwing matches to the dry grasses. Only a few days into spring and Armageddon is upon us. I guess I could try and find my purpose and live happily ever after. But realistically, any more pondering, meditating will just end in tears.
I have never been one to put up my hand and say. Hey ! I’m drowning over here. It is the human condition to work through all the shit of daily life and find the joys in the small , and large , things.
I take note of other peoples crap, dodge bullets, but, give a damm , and if I can mentally cope, help.
If you look , there is always someone having a harder time than you.
But the find your purpose.
Humm, so few have that luxury, and for the ones that do, sometimes it is only fleeting. We are in constant change, and our thoughts and actions move and flow with information available at the time.
Tomorrow is another day and truths of today are forgotten ,changed because of new information or general conscientious of population, either from propaganda or conspiracy ideals.
That tiny black dot is now a crater, still hurting, but at least I have done my best, with my limited skills.
I have , with alacrity, circled myself into the corral. With eyes wide open, mastered the dodge and weave of my existence, and waited, with bated breath, for the purpose of it all.